Where is your spiritual family?
As the only sexologist in Singapore, my work is incredibly isolating. I have joined several virtual communities for sexologists including those on LinkedIn, Facebook, and Yahoo, as well as the listserv managed by American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT).
I wonder if you have a community of likeminded people supporting you in the work that you do. Whilst they are not your birth-family, you can still feel close to them, hence the term “spiritual family.”
In his book, Rich Brother, Rich Sister, Robert Kiyosaki suggested that you ask these four questions to find your spiritual family:
Have you heard of the saying, “Speech is Silver, Silence is Golden?” This phrase can be traced back to early Egyptians and it essentially means that while speaking is good, saying nothing is better. Discretion can be worth more than even eloquent words.
Have you ever felt glad, relieved even, to get away from someone because the person would not stop talking, and worse yet, about themselves?
Have you wished the person sitting behind you on the bus or standing behind you on the train would stop talking into their phone or to the person next to them at the top of their voice?
Enjoying my body, moving without agenda
Last September, I attended a ten-day residential program, which is part of the Sexological Bodywork certification in Australia. Though this was the second time I was going through this program, I was returning as one of four assistant coaches. I felt it was important to connect with my community (sex-positive people who spoke my lingo), refresh my skills and acquire new knowledge.
Sexology is my calling. What’s yours?
I facilitated a session which defined sex, sexuality and intimacy during SlutTalk, a fringe event under SlutWalk Singapore. It was the inspiration for an earlier piece on publichouse.sg with the same title here. After my session, I thought I could go off-work, resume my civilian status, and was easing into my seat. An undergraduate lady sitting next to me began small talk by first remarking that I look nothing like my namecard/ website/ media pictures. She next asked me if my work was difficult.
I have a question to ask you. Amidst the hustle and bustle of your busy work and personal lives, when was the last time you played? Close your eyes and try recalling some of the happiest moments in your life: What might they be? Whether this memory is of you as a child or as an adult, chances are, they involved some sort of play.
Children usually play when left to their own devices. Children do not necessarily need toys to have a good time. They might come up with their own games, make their own toys, or rely on their fantasy to be transported to different time and places through history and even beyond using their imagination. There is no agenda other than fun for the sake of fun itself.
Defining sex, sexuality and intimacy
What are sex, sexuality, and intimacy to you? What do those words actually signify in your mind? Is sex just about the physical act of sexual intercourse? The meaning of ‘sex’ can be problematic when the way you define it is different from the way other people around you do. Not only that, these problems with definition may inadvertently lead to problems with sex. Therefore, it may be useful to take some time to clarify, so that we know what we are talking about when we talk about sex.
Sexual Consent: Women who don’t know how to say no
This is part four of a four-part series on sexual consent. The other pieces can be found here: Sexual consent: When no is no; Sexually Confused: When No is a Game; and No Go: Too Drunk to Consent.
In early December, paparazzi pictures of 19-year-old Hong Kong starlet, Rose Chan, being kissed and hugged by fellow actors and co-stars Joe Ma, 43, and Benny Chan, 42, surfaced. The actors had apparently gone for supper after a day of filming in Hengdian, China.
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