Consider a coaching client of mine who had a really tough time dealing with her family's opinion of her over the holidays. On the surface everything looked fine, but she was living in her own personal hell, reliving the drama of her childhood. It seems that her brother's life has been filled with one notable mainstream success after another -- the stuff of which parents are very proud. As his younger sister, my client has lived in his shadow, feeling as though she could never measure up or elicit the level of enthusiastic approval her brother generated from their parents.Now as a grown young woman whose life path is ambiguous compared to her brother's, she is still thrown for a loop when asked "What's new?" or "What are you up to these days?" These seemingly harmless questions evoke a cold sweat and terror for her, and the otherwise confident and delightful person she is becomes flooded with self-rejection, unable to stand in support of herself.
The truth is she has a great vision, passion and plans that will take years to develop. She is doing a wonderful job of finding her way off the beaten track of the mainstream to create a new kind of school that will provide a wonderful education, caring community and magnificent opportunities for a largely marginalized segment of our population. But, that is tough to talk about enthusiastically in an elevator speech to people who measure success in terms of concrete recognizable achievements -- or worse yet -- don't even care.
When a situation that is this emotionally juicy comes up in your life, it is a wonderful opportunity to gain some life wisdom. In this particular case, there is much to be learned about dealing with life in a social context where everybody is having opinions about themselves and each other all the time.
Here are the tips I gave my client. Perhaps they will help you or someone you know as well.
To read Judith Johnson's tips on dealing with other people's opinions, click here.
